Fuck You, Finland

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Dec 6

Nothing to ask, just a quick word of appreciation. You sir/madamme, are a genious.

Anonymous

Why, thank you.

offsuit:

Happy Independence Day, Finland.

offsuit:

Happy Independence Day, Finland.

irrallaan:

9 day weather forecast in Finland.

irrallaan:

9 day weather forecast in Finland.

Parliamentarian's assistant suggests sleeve badges for foreigners

Helena Eronen, an assistant of the Finnish parliamentarian and True Finns party representative James Hirvisaari, has suggested a new way of segregating foreigners and other minorities.

- If every foreigner was obligated to wear a sleeve badge disclosing their (ethnical) background, the police could immediately realize that “oh, that’s a Muslim from Somalia” or “that’s a beggar from Romania”.

She proposes that the badges would differ by the person’s background. Muslims, for example, could wear a crescent, and Russians the famous hammer and sickle. According to Eronen, this could apply to other groups as well, such as Swedish-speaking Finns and sexual minorities.

Now, name one other political party in the 20th century that used this very same tactic… Got it? Yeah?

(Source: fuckyoufinland)

Apr 9

Train hits a man's arm at 160 km/h (99 mph)

Apparently a Finnish guy was literally standing next to the train track with his hand stretched out and got his arm hit by a train at the speed of 160 km/h (~100 mph). Result: severe injuries.

Really now. Really.

(Source: fuckyoufinland)

How to Spot a Traveling Finn 101
Here is a friendly, cheerful guide for all you Finnwatchers out there. Whether you’re trying to identify a wandering drunk or deciding on where you should not go this summer, this is the manual for you!
For a quick and easy identification, we’ll give you four main qualities you should look for in a traveling Finn. Remember, this applies to foreign countries only. Or, if you’re from Turku or Tampere, the rest of the world.

Alcohol is a Finn’s best friend
The fastest way to identify a Finn out in the world is to estimate their current state of drunkenness. If the subject is moderately or highly intoxicated and it’s less than 5pm, there’s almost a 100% chance they’re Finnish. Also, if you’re on a cruise and see someone dragging a pallet full of bottle crates behind them, you already know who they are. If you’re unsure about the person’s nationality, just yell ”vitun homo” while they’re passing you. A reaction is guaranteed.

Häv a guut dei, tänk juu veri mats
The Finnish accent is usually very distinguishable. English is taught in all Finnish primary schools since third grade, and most of us actually speak it relatively well, but our pronunciation isn’t the best. This is true for nearly all Finns; for the more linguistic people the difference is a bit more subtle and some might sound almost neutral, but the accent sticks even to the most skilled speakers of us all. You’ll hear it soon enough.

PERTTI JUMALAUTA NYT TÄNNE
This applies especially to traveling families or groups. Finns often like to talk in their native tongue when visiting foreign countries. There’s nothing strange about this, of course, but we tend to act more freely when we’re sure no one else can understand us. Even the reserved, quiet Finns become loud and obnoxious once they set their foot behind their country’s legalized border.
This effect has a name, the so-called ”junttikupla” (or ”moron bubble” for those of you who don’t understand our gibberish). It’s a term for that isolated, bubble-like feeling you get when you’re in a foreign land and know (or think) other people can’t understand you. The effect usually results to loud yelling over the streets, tables and counters, often in some kind of Finnish dialect. It also gives you an isolated feeling, where you think others find your idiotic behavior normal or amusing, and consider it your birth right to criticize other people’s looks or other attributes while thinking they don’t know what you’re saying. Newsflash, dickheads, if you’re talking loudly whilst looking (and sometimes even pointing) at someone, they usually know you’re talking about them, even if it’s in a weird, blabbering language.

Location, location, location
There are two places in the world Finns love to populate during the holidays. The first one is Canary Islands, particularly the ‘all in one’ hotels where all you have to do is pay a certain amount of money and lie down on your ass for a week. Canary Islands are mostly enjoyed by Finnish families, but you can also run into some drunken asshats if you really look for them.
The second one is, of course, Tallinn. Although it’s the capital of Estonia, Finns have succesfully turned it into their personal year-round boozefest. The weekend cruises to Tallinn are short (only 2 hours) and cheap, which makes them inherently popular. Also the alcohol and tobacco is low-priced, though it doesn’t take a math genius to find out that buying all your drinks from Estonia all year long isn’t the best financial decision you could make.
For those wondering if we take cruises to Stockholm – no, we don’t. Mostly because they’re more expensive, partly because of the rivalry between our countries (or the general attitude problem some Finns seem to have, phrase it how you like). You see, Finland has more jokes about Swedes than the inhabitants of Turku, and that’s a lot (despite the fact we were a part of Sweden for over 600 years and large portions of our cultural inheritance comes from them, but hey, who cares about history when you have hockey and liquor!)
* * *
There. We hope this helped you in your crusade.

How to Spot a Traveling Finn 101

Here is a friendly, cheerful guide for all you Finnwatchers out there. Whether you’re trying to identify a wandering drunk or deciding on where you should not go this summer, this is the manual for you!

For a quick and easy identification, we’ll give you four main qualities you should look for in a traveling Finn. Remember, this applies to foreign countries only. Or, if you’re from Turku or Tampere, the rest of the world.


Alcohol is a Finn’s best friend

The fastest way to identify a Finn out in the world is to estimate their current state of drunkenness. If the subject is moderately or highly intoxicated and it’s less than 5pm, there’s almost a 100% chance they’re Finnish. Also, if you’re on a cruise and see someone dragging a pallet full of bottle crates behind them, you already know who they are. If you’re unsure about the person’s nationality, just yell ”vitun homo” while they’re passing you. A reaction is guaranteed.


Häv a guut dei, tänk juu veri mats

The Finnish accent is usually very distinguishable. English is taught in all Finnish primary schools since third grade, and most of us actually speak it relatively well, but our pronunciation isn’t the best. This is true for nearly all Finns; for the more linguistic people the difference is a bit more subtle and some might sound almost neutral, but the accent sticks even to the most skilled speakers of us all. You’ll hear it soon enough.


PERTTI JUMALAUTA NYT TÄNNE

This applies especially to traveling families or groups. Finns often like to talk in their native tongue when visiting foreign countries. There’s nothing strange about this, of course, but we tend to act more freely when we’re sure no one else can understand us. Even the reserved, quiet Finns become loud and obnoxious once they set their foot behind their country’s legalized border.

This effect has a name, the so-called ”junttikupla” (or ”moron bubble” for those of you who don’t understand our gibberish). It’s a term for that isolated, bubble-like feeling you get when you’re in a foreign land and know (or think) other people can’t understand you. The effect usually results to loud yelling over the streets, tables and counters, often in some kind of Finnish dialect. It also gives you an isolated feeling, where you think others find your idiotic behavior normal or amusing, and consider it your birth right to criticize other people’s looks or other attributes while thinking they don’t know what you’re saying. Newsflash, dickheads, if you’re talking loudly whilst looking (and sometimes even pointing) at someone, they usually know you’re talking about them, even if it’s in a weird, blabbering language.


Location, location, location

There are two places in the world Finns love to populate during the holidays. The first one is Canary Islands, particularly the ‘all in one’ hotels where all you have to do is pay a certain amount of money and lie down on your ass for a week. Canary Islands are mostly enjoyed by Finnish families, but you can also run into some drunken asshats if you really look for them.

The second one is, of course, Tallinn. Although it’s the capital of Estonia, Finns have succesfully turned it into their personal year-round boozefest. The weekend cruises to Tallinn are short (only 2 hours) and cheap, which makes them inherently popular. Also the alcohol and tobacco is low-priced, though it doesn’t take a math genius to find out that buying all your drinks from Estonia all year long isn’t the best financial decision you could make.

For those wondering if we take cruises to Stockholm – no, we don’t. Mostly because they’re more expensive, partly because of the rivalry between our countries (or the general attitude problem some Finns seem to have, phrase it how you like). You see, Finland has more jokes about Swedes than the inhabitants of Turku, and that’s a lot (despite the fact we were a part of Sweden for over 600 years and large portions of our cultural inheritance comes from them, but hey, who cares about history when you have hockey and liquor!)

* * *

There. We hope this helped you in your crusade.

An airplane crashed through a wall at Helsinki-Vantaa Airport

Just another calm, peaceful day at the airport. Luckily no one was hurt.

The guys at VR must be breathing a sigh of relief right now. Finally someone else in the Finnish transportation system fucks up.

(Source: fuckyoufinland)

Mr. Lordi admits to being an owl fan in Finnish bird magazine

The Eurovision winner and a grown man in a monster suit talks about his love for owls. While being interviewed for a bird magazine.

Why?

For Finnish speakers the news story contains even more entertainment; the comment section involves a hilariously nitpicky discussion of whether owls are an actual bird species or not. Guys, seriously.

(Source: fuckyoufinland)

Mar 8

VR trains were on time in February

Do we have to explain this?

Come on. When the trains being on time for longer than a week makes the news, something is wrong.

(Source: fuckyoufinland)

Mar 4

Johanna and Julia Tukiainen are back

Johanna “Tuksu” Tukiainen and her sister Julia have been nationwide entertainers for the past four years. Their official breakthrough was in 2008, when Johanna rose to fame through the text message scandal between her and Ilkka Kanerva, the Minister of Foreign Affairs. Before this she’d been a part of the Glamour Dolls dance group.

After getting her fifteen minutes of fame, Johanna has been in the tabloids countless times. She’s known for her stormy and brief marriage to Arto Länsman, multiple court cases, excessive partying and somewhat horrifying attempts to enter the Finnish music scene. She has also continued performing as an erotic dancer.

Johanna’s sister Julia hasn’t been as versatile, and has mostly been known as “the little sister”. She appeared in a Finnish talk show called Maria with Johanna in 2009. In the interview the sisters talked about Johanna’s struggles with malaria and their conversion to Christianity. Julia’s also known as a rather bad drunk. The sisters have starred together in a porn film directed by Kullervo Koivisto.

Lately, both to the delight and despair of Finns, these starlets have been keeping a low profile. Some even dared to suspect they would be gone for good. Well, we’re sorry to disappoint you, but wrong.

Last night the sisters were taken into police custody after a violent incident in a restaurant. Especially Julia was acting recklessly and kicked another customer in the face. The special thing about this scene is that a Finnish camera group got it on tape and is seemingly going to air it on their show. Finland has two different reality TV shows that follow the life of the police, and apparently the camera group was with one of them.

So far, so good. Johanna has commented on the ordeal on her Facebook page with numerous grammar mistakes and a noteworthy amount of question marks. One thing is for sure: the time of peace is over.

(Source: fuckyoufinland)